worries

Some days i’m not sure i can do it. Taking care of an enthusiastic, bright, and beautiful toddler takes all my energy most of the time. Even with my focused partner. This. Is. Hard.

We have two 14 day tours booked in the upcoming future. April on the east coast and May on the west coast. i am honestly terrified about those two tours. Emmett is still nursing to sleep and most shows start right at his bedtime. He requires most of the day time to run in circles, and explore his environment, most tours (even the most thoughtfully booked) require at least 3 hours of travel time a day. At LEAST.

I often wonder if it’s worth the uphill push it requires being a mommy-musician. It is obvious which title would get the back burner. I never attended a day of college so my options are limited in terms of finding another job; i am trained for nothing. I have worked at summer camp, at a preschool, as a nanny and then as an itinerant musician. While i have adored doing all these things, they certainly aren’t jobs that inspire a banker to give you a mortgage. But it’s less about the unsteady pay (i have often said that music is not a great living but it’s a wonderful life) and more about the exhaustion. It takes all my energy to write a song a week while building block towers and attempting to educate, clean and shove some vegetables down my son’s throat. And i’m pretty sure he’s an easy baby. And i’d like to have another in the next few years! what am i, insane?

No, i’m not crazy, i’m just trying to live an authentic life. I always wanted to be a mother and i always wanted to be a musician. As much exhaustive & unsure work as it is, i still don’t see a reason i can’t do both. I hope that my child/ren look at their mother and see someone who gave to them and herself all she had. I think it’s important that our kids see us attempt at things we love, stumble or stride and still feel good about ourselves.

but godamn i could use a day in a spa or something. or a bigass tour bus with beds instead of a minivan.

6 thoughts on “worries

  1. It probably doesn’t feel like it on the hard days, but you are SUCH an inspiration! Thank you for doing what you are doing and sharing the reality of it. Really.

  2. Reina…Your sweet one (ones in the future) will adapt to their lifestyle. It’s hard to remember when you are in the moment but he (they) truly will. You are doing such a great job of raising him to see that life can be full and adventurous and awesome. What is important you are already doing by showing him that living your dreams is worth the strange inconveniences that come up. Sending you virtual support and I hope to see you live when you hit the west coast :).

  3. It’s inspiring to see you pursuing your music dreams and your family ones. Sounds like hard, good work with no easy answers. Thanks for sharing what it is really like.

  4. You inspire me and make me believe it will be possible to be both a musician and a mother. Like every creative endeavor of yours, you bring such beauty and wisdom to being a mom! Thank you for posting and for keeping me optimistic, fearless and inspired to be authentically open. Message me back and I’ll get you all set up for a much deserved massage at my south austin Rivertree Therapy studio 🙂

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