Some days i’m not sure i can do it. Taking care of an enthusiastic, bright, and beautiful toddler takes all my energy most of the time. Even with my focused partner. This. Is. Hard.
We have two 14 day tours booked in the upcoming future. April on the east coast and May on the west coast. i am honestly terrified about those two tours. Emmett is still nursing to sleep and most shows start right at his bedtime. He requires most of the day time to run in circles, and explore his environment, most tours (even the most thoughtfully booked) require at least 3 hours of travel time a day. At LEAST.
I often wonder if it’s worth the uphill push it requires being a mommy-musician. It is obvious which title would get the back burner. I never attended a day of college so my options are limited in terms of finding another job; i am trained for nothing. I have worked at summer camp, at a preschool, as a nanny and then as an itinerant musician. While i have adored doing all these things, they certainly aren’t jobs that inspire a banker to give you a mortgage. But it’s less about the unsteady pay (i have often said that music is not a great living but it’s a wonderful life) and more about the exhaustion. It takes all my energy to write a song a week while building block towers and attempting to educate, clean and shove some vegetables down my son’s throat. And i’m pretty sure he’s an easy baby. And i’d like to have another in the next few years! what am i, insane?
No, i’m not crazy, i’m just trying to live an authentic life. I always wanted to be a mother and i always wanted to be a musician. As much exhaustive & unsure work as it is, i still don’t see a reason i can’t do both. I hope that my child/ren look at their mother and see someone who gave to them and herself all she had. I think it’s important that our kids see us attempt at things we love, stumble or stride and still feel good about ourselves.
but godamn i could use a day in a spa or something. or a bigass tour bus with beds instead of a minivan.